Every day of my work week I have my list of things to do, things to accomplish, things to fix, things to start and a few totally unexpected things to do…. Monday through Friday, 9am to 5pm, (give or take).
Then, from 6pm to 9pm (give or take), I have filled with other things I do – bible study night, Celebrate Recovery night, writing club night, and a girls night.
Then there is the weekend.
Weekends were once so much more busy and hectic than any week day dreamed of being. We had endless laundry, house cleaning, dusting, mopping, yard work, and then soccer games, softball games, baseball games, girl scout trips, boy scout trips, hiking trips, camping trips, youth group retreats, family get together time, to name a few. The silence and emptiness of my current weekends are such a stark, shocking contrast to the weekends of my past that I worry that those memories may be in my own imagination and could not have been real.
Now, I still have laundry, chores, cleaning, yard work to do. But no longer do I have any games or retreats to rush off to or prepare for. The only sports I watch are on my tv, alone in my living room. No players on those teams are related to me, dependent on me, or live with me. They are all strangers now. It is practically pointless to even watch without any personal attachment.
I am grateful for the peace, it makes me appreciate how wonderful the chaos was and hope that for my children, they will repeat those weekend antics with their own families. I am grateful for my house, even in its quiet, I can find memories of the past within the walls, scattered and placed in places of honor. I can observe my neighbors going through the same motions of my own past – rushing to their sports games, clubs and outings or working around their homes and yards together.
I have the time now for myself, my projects, my plans, my worship, my studies, my outings. I need to remember to enjoy my weekends and appreciate the peace and quiet I once longed for and now find so smothering and debilitating. I acknowledge that there needs to be a happy median here – a little bit of the peace and quiet as well as a little bit of challenge.
“Remembering without ceasing your work of faith, and labor of love”