In the not so distant past, I actually yearned for silence. Maybe Peace is the better word, but I thought it was silence I wanted. I am finding out that it is not at all what I thought it would be and I find only bits of real peace in the silence of my world. I yearn now for some remnants of that long lost chaos.
Over 20 years of raising the three children I gave birth to and a few extras here and there always provided lots of noise and chaos. We lived in close quarters amid acres of open property and were keenly aware of everyone’s location, actions, attitude and feelings. My kids were country kids, all rough and tough, happiest when they were sweaty, dirty and noisy. They raised animals, played sports, worked the land, explored like pioneers and spread their wings whenever possible. The closest they ever came to quiet was when they slept.
They continue to make noise as young adults and I am proud of all their forms of vocal racket. They are raising their own children, settling into their careers, exercising in big expensive gyms, exploring their adult independence and finding limits to their wing spreading. I get to watch this from afar, in my new role as parent of these adult children.
Needing to make changes after my divorce, and after the children grew up and moved on, I traded the small home in the country for a larger house in a neighborhood. It has all the ingredients of a family home- fenced yard with the pet dog, family portraits on the walls, playground next door, abandoned sports gear in the garage, and endless nooks and crannies to explore. The only chaos and noise is the chasing of dust bunnies by the vacuum cleaner each weekend. The kitchen is rarely used, the dining table serves as my office away from my office, the closet full of games remains closed, and there is so much noise within this silence.
The lesson I am learning is that there is no peace within the silence after a life of chaos. I need to invite peace in for silence to become okay and even comforting.
“ All things have their season, and in their times all things pass under heaven.  A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted.  A time to kill, and a time to heal. A time to destroy, and a time to build.  A time to weep, and a time to laugh. A time to mourn, and a time to dance.  A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather. A time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.
 A time to get, and a time to lose. A time to keep, and a time to cast away.  A time to rend, and a time to sew. A time to keep silence, and a time to speak.  A time of love, and a time of hatred. A time of war, and a time of peace.  What hath man more of his labour?  I have seen the trouble, which God hath given the sons of men to be exercised in it.
 He hath made all things good in their time, and hath delivered the world to their consideration, so that man cannot find out the work which God hath made from the beginning to the end.  And I have known that there was no better thing than to rejoice, and to do well in this life.  For every man that eateth and drinketh, and seeth good of his labour, this is the gift of God.  I have learned that all the works which God hath made, continue for ever: we cannot add any thing, nor take away from those things which God hath made that he may be feared.  That which hath been made, the same continueth: the things that shall be, have already been: and God restoreth that which is past.” (Eccl 3:1-15)
In the name of the Father, The Son, and the Holy Spirit – I pray for the restoration of what He wills. Amen.