the Real me…

mirror face

Who am I and what am I doing here in blog-land?

Well, I have always loved the art of writing, and have frequently played around with words to entertain, to inform, to challenge, and to reflect.  They have usually been for my own benefit, and I will continue that trend….. for now. (except for anyone who finds my little blog-land page)

A new friend introduced me to this idea of telling stories that God inspires in us.  Or, to tell our own stories with God’s guidance.  What could she have been talking about?  I love story telling… but not so sure about telling my own story.  All I had were tales of woe, heartache, confusion, hopelessness, and a fractured life.

As I have mentioned in my “Kaleidoscope Page”… I hit the half century mark (50 years old in case you need to see the bold digits) this year and I was floundering after the end of a 22 year marriage.  I was also being sucked under with a growing case of depression. 

I faced living alone for the first time in my entire life.  My children were all of sudden grown ups with their own lives, and without need of my involvement or help.  With shock and dismay I realized I knew less then than I have ever known.

I was doing my own version of a personal inventory: 
 marriage – fail
 education – incomplete (fail)
 career – adequate but kind of unstable (fail?)
 family-  althought they were (and are) fine, I felt like I had failed them
 faith – total confusion and almost apathy there (fail)
 direction – lost in the weeds (fail)

Here is where my real pity party started….

I began to finally have a conversation with God – in those darkest moments.  I wheeled and dealed with Him to just take me home…. I had it all worked out for Him since I had become blind to any future here. 

All of myself as well as my relationships I perceived as broken and beyond repair.  I had no inkling of hope and no ideas on what else to do. 

Well, funny thing about God is that He was listening, but He had a different plan for bringing me home.  A much better plan than I could ever have concocted!   

I am back home… back home in His grace and love, listening intently to His directions.   Healed, forgiven, and filled with love and peace.  Although I am sorry for the hurts my journey has caused, I have to admit I am glad it happened.  I can imagine no other way to have found this kind of healing and revealing of His way….

So, I am glad you are visiting and I welcome you to my journey of discovery, of healing, of renewed relationships and restored faith in God, my Catholic church, and myself. 

I am indeed a kaleidoscope – formed of many pieces and parts, contained in a world which is constantly turning and moving. I find that it looks much better with light at the end to illuminate the bright colors!

God’s Light is shining on me, helping me glow and grow.
Denise

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